Tuesday, May 26, 2009


i'm so small. i'm so small.
God, i'm so small. compared to you God, God God God. where have i gone so far away how have i let myself get this so far gone. oh my God, things i never ever thought i would be okay with, sin that used to totally disgust my soul, my Jesus my sweet precious precious Savior, i have become so okay with. so familiar with, and i dont get sin, i dont get why we justcantdoit
but i see the truth, i see so much truth GOD when i choose me
i'm separated from
and God oh my GOD my prayers sound exactly the same, desperate, so totally exhausted, confused God i know this isnt your plan, i know you have greater things planned, and i'm ignoring and choosing differently and Father the ways you protect this heart
because you know you KNOW i was not created for that, God i know i've been ignoring why you've put me here, to love others, to carry YOUR light, YOUR joy, Father you've put this joy in my spirit thats just sort of annoying at times and unexplainable but Father i know i was created to love your people, to love yours, to love. and i have been so completely distracted on MYSELF and Jesus, oh my Jesus, this world.. i really just figured i had this whole spiritual thing figured out, and turns out Jesus you're showing me a different side, this world as it is, and not in this christian bubble which is what i've always lived in.. and Father, i guess in a way i'm thankful for that.

change me God, its going to take you.

"The good man is sorry for the sins which have increased his need. He is not entirely sorry for the fresh need they have produced."

Saturday, May 2, 2009