promise

how many many many so many times have i run and ran and SPRINT and dodge and eagerly CHASE after my own thoughts and desires and plans and motives and everything
........OUTSIDE OF YOU.
when i know i know i know i know these PROMISES, because you've never been proven wrong,
BUT KELLY TUTTLE WILL
be stubburn
and you know
be me.
and to think
i will never everevereverneverever have this thing RIGHT, i will never be what i want to be IN YOU because i have this vision, i have this heart that cant escape you no matter how many times it desperatly tries to run away because sometimes life outside of you seems so much easier
and then i give up because its
unreachable.
oh dear GOD i cant imagine going through this whole life thing withoutyou
one season,
was totally enough for me
and never ever again and i'm ready i want to give it all to you
and i'm desperate to hear your voice
your warmth
but i just wont shut up

i do not.. get it.

your love.
do not let me
LET YOU GO.

I RUN I RUN I RUN SO QUICKLY SO EAGERLY SO IMPULSIVE..LY.
mistakes more mistakes more mistakes again and always again. trip fall

..whynotfallalittlemore.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

always always so easily run away,
and i dont get it. i do not understand it.

what i hate the most is knowing
my life
doesnt reflect yours.

i dont get the balance.
give me PEACE. you're the best at that!
show me your way. your thoughts, feed me that PASSION again.
you're all i WANT to crave.

you gave.. it all. i want to give my all.
too.

i have found the greatest love. and now in comparison ... everything compared is nothing.
searching the entire world theres no other beauty like the beauty of sitting with doors closed, my bed room floor in your soft brilliant presence..
i have compared all else to this feeling and theres nothing better.
and my hearts broken because theres still a huge part of me thats lonely but when i have what i've been thinking i want i only want to spend that time with you and i dont want to be the grass is always greener sort of girl but i want to be balanced in all areas and i want to have a family and i want all these things that my heart chases after but sometimes it gets so covered with too many thoughts and theres gotta be something better type of thinking and this perfect prince in my head thats going to be crazy and love you and hilarious and really really tall and still so passionate about being a child of you.
and i'm only 24 and i want to be single but i feel like if i dont know who i'm going to marry
then the future is a MESS.
but hey!! silly kid you should know THIS HOPE WE HAVE
IS
UNLIMITED.
un
limit
eddddddddddddddddd
okokokokokokk

(live it out. now)

worship

i'm not sure how people could live everyday like this, just as is.
without the passion, without the taste of you. without realizing the taste of you. Father i pray that you cure this heart, i pray you fill it so full of you Father i cant fill it with anything else. i pray for a vision and a focus, a heart totally onto you father, i pray you free us from depression and self esteem issues Father and i pray that in place you store a beautiful peace and joy from you Father. i pray you teach us what it means to live lives totally devoted to you, my King. i pray you fill our hearts with a deep, sincere passion and trust in YOU. and not in ourselves, Lord God.
i pray you help us reach our community, that when we say we're known and know our community, that that is the truest at its fullest Father. i pray that you help me trust in you and your life plans for me, Jesus. what a beautiful name.. thank you for your salvation. i loveeeeeeee you my Jesus. my beautiful beautiful savior. love you forever.

i was thinking
we have taken your beauty
which honestly a bit messy
and we have tried to make it so its appealing
more appealing so you look good
and its not so messy
and so it looks more like beauty
but not what you worked up
in your head
.................................................inthatheadofyours..........................................

remember.. when salvation
what a beautiful beautiful word
salvation,
was when we chased after, we tasted it and wanted others to taste it and we didnt hide the truth and it wasnt about cutting corners or playing it safe.
it was about living for You and winning hearts to You.
to think about this
as just as is. this life just as is. after
is eternity.
which is a word we try to never ever use.

but what can wash aawayyyyyyymy sinnnnnn!!!
nothingbutthebloodofJesussssssssssssss

lets talk about it. lets talk and talk and talk.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and then lets live in on it!!!
whoooooooooooseeeeeeeeeeeeeeREADY!!!!!!!!!

good.NESS.

your faithfullness sometimes feels alone and away. and i run farther away from you, Father when i feel far away.

i blame it on you, you're a God of the quiet and still.
THIS SEASON
COUNTS
AS WELL.
they all do they all they all they all do thats so good..
and things arent going my way,
"pay attention to what you're paying attention to"

...where my treasure is...
my heart will be found there.

my focus, my heart.. FATHER.
let them be on you. on your heart.
to understand that
you are
SERIOUSLY
the only thing worth living for...
even when passion
has ran away
and a vision has been swept away.

I HAVE NOTHING TO PROVE TO THEM. Father
TAKE THIS HEART BACK
take this mind back BECAUSE IT THINKS TOO MUCH
and i sometimes want to throw it all away
and sit in your presense
and cry in extreme gratitude.
once you taste it, i can never run away
sometimes its easier
"abuse the grace do it do it do it!!!!"

your eyes.................
your heart
I DONT UNDERSTAND
this love, i can see your eyes.. thinking of me... these tears.. "why have you forsaken me?"
never let me run away from you. keep me in your arms, Father. protect this heart its yours.
change me, change the depths of my heart. take it back
help my unbelief.

your hands, my feet.

Lord-
you've seen this heart. and you hold it in your hands.
you understand this process, this heart that eagerly wants to chase after your will and righteousness.
you understand i'm your girl. learning, somethings the hard way.
my stubbornness.. sometimes i see things my way and my understanding, i lean onto it. it seems easier.

i like the reminders
of your grace, living in it. i cant think about it too much. my mind gets captivated by these what ifs and howso's and how thens and Lord, all i know is when i'm living in your presense and your will, i never want to leave.
and these buts, it becomes so complicated.
your hands offer this joy and my feet run away.
i cant explain the pull, this desire to feed me.
i ask for help, for the constant obedience.
that its not about proving anything to anyone, but to live for you and in that, i can trust that whatever happens, will happen for you.
you're brilliant. i love you.
always.